Important Memory

I learned a valuable lesson yesterday, or remembered one rather. The day I had received a phone call from my X-husband (telling me about the life he had been living in secret), was the most painful day I had experienced thus far in my life (or since then). I laid on the floor literally drooling from lack of energy to move, or after a while a lack of energy even to feel. I could hear my kids down stairs laughing and giggling with my sister, and their sounds made my heart break even further – but they also reminded me that no matter what, I had to keep going, I couldn't give into a lesser life. For their sake, I had to keep striving for the life I knew was available. I mustered up some energy to push my door to a near close and I got on my knees, the only words I could think of were,

“Father I don't know how to go on, but I know with Thee I can; please show me how.” I then looked forward without question, listening at all bends to the guidance I knew would come, and not worrying about the bumps in the road.

As this applies to my post yesterday, is the simple assumption that believing I can achieve is not enough – believing He will help me, is not enough, I must first recognize I cannot do it on my own. I must leave it completely in His hands, and not depend on how I feel about myself or my abilities – when I start to depend on myself, I fail, plain and simple. Health is a weakness of mine, and like all weaknesses, to become a strength is must be turned over to my Father in Heaven. And thus is my goal, depend on Him; confidence is not a choice, it is a blessing – a reward that I believe is earned, a knowledge, that can come only from Him.

My work out goals this week are simple (by small and simple things are great things brought to pass :) I love the feeling of working out, but I hate to feel like I have to work out. So I'm starting with something I want, abs, butt, arms = firm. I am doing 250 crunches daily, 50 push ups, 250 but crunches, 100 calf ups (?). Cardio will be chasing my kids around, but I can't stress about it – or I won't do any of it. I'll let you know next week about my success, and how I will add to this :). 
-Jennica